Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers - Take one

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were
waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those
blokes? We must have been waiting
for fifteen minutes !"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've
never seen such inept
golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens
keeper. Let's have a word with
him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with
that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a
group of blind fire
fighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free
anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to
contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can
do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at
night?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Two


To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as
it needs to be.




Understanding Engineers - Take Three

Two engineering students were walking across
a university campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great
bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful
woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what
you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and
said, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you
anyway."





Understanding Engineers - Take Four


What is the difference between mechanical
engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil
engineers build targets.




Understanding Engineers - Take Five


The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why
does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
"How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
"How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do
you want fries with that?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Six


Three engineering students were gathered
together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to
have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline
through a recreational area?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Seven


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke,
don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it
doesn't have enough
features yet.




Understanding Engineers - Take Eight


An engineer was crossing a road one day, when
a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it
in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you
kiss me and turn me back into
a beautiful princess, I will stay with you
for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and
turn me back into a
Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and
do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled
at it and put it back into
his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with
you for one week and do
anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I
don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's
cool."