Hillary Clinton & Barack Obama were on a boat. The boat sank in a big storm..........

Hillary Clinton & Barack Obama were on a boat. The boat sank in a big storm. There was no life boat.

Who was saved?



Highlight between these lines for the answer
America
Highlight between these lines for the answer

Lazytown, you are making my life miserable

My oldest son has discovered Lazytown. Not only has he discovered it on TV, he has also found it on the computer. He found it on Youtube and of course the noggin website (http://www.noggin.com/shows/lazytown.php).

I am not a person who likes techno music but this sounds like bad techno. So for some crazy reason I have that song Cooking by the Book in my head this morning. No matter how much Metallica I listen to it won’t go away. Maybe I should listen to some Slayer or King Diamond instead. I can only imagine what will happen when the twins discover Lazytown in a year or so :-(

Who Would Participate In Such Crazyness?

hot tub group release (berkeley)

Reply to: pers-116894823@craigslist.org Date: 2005-12-08, 10:51PM PST

Let's keep this simple. I have a hot tub on Euclid. I am having a group release party on December 28th. Everybody is welcome (last time was all men which was fun but I would really like to get some women this time). Here's how it works: Five people get into my 400 gallon redwood hot tub. The temperature is a challenging 125 degrees. After a few minutes, everybody "evacuates." (voids their bowels in the tub). We see what "floats to the surface." This "letting go" stage is followed by a "coming together" stage in which each person helps the person to their left reach satisfaction (handsex). Simple and wonderful.

Some ground rules:
1)No footwear of any kind in the tub! Leave your flip flops on the deck!
2)Do not go into the house.
3)Scents are okay but please, NO GREASY HAIR PRODUCTS.
4)Please refrain from smoking.
5)Once everybody is in the tub, its silent time. No talking until everybody is out.
6)If you do not like what is "going down" (or coming up) step out of the tub. You do not need to make it everybody elses problem.
7)Please commit before showing up. Don't come out to the backyard, check out the "scene" and then decide to leave. This disrupts the experience for everybody.
8)Please no laughing or frivolity. Its not that it has to be "dead serious" but we don't want it to turn into a joke. For many people a group release party is a vulnerable psychosexual experience and your laughter can be shaming.
9)PLEASE NO LOUD TALKING AFTER THE SESSION. MY NEIGHBORS HAVE COMPLAINED SEVERAL TIMES AND HAVE THREATENED TO CALL THE POLICE.
10) If you are over two hundred pounds it is fine, but please let me know in advance.
11)PLEASE NO DIABETICS, PREGNANT WOMEN OR PEOPLE WITH HEALTH CONDITIONS WHICH MAY BE AFFECTED BY A LONG AND UNUSUALLY HIGH TEMPERATURE HOT TUB SITUATION.
12)NO DRUGS OF ANY KIND!!!!
13)Please make sure that you have eaten well and NOT EXCRETED FOR AT LEAST TWELVE HOURS before coming.
14)No food in the hot tub or on the deck. If you must eat, finish your food in your car.
15)You can park directly out front or along the street. PLEASE DO NOT PARK IN THE DRIVEWAY. If parking is limited park on POPLAR st.
16)Do not turn on the airration jets under any circumstances. This makes the party impossible to clean up afterwards and also disrupts the atmosphere in the tub.
17)Please show up on time for the session. The orientation period is extremely important and helps to insure that the party will be a success for all participants.
18)NO CAMERAS OF ANY KIND INCLUDING CAMERA PHONES. For many, the session is a "discreet" experience and respect for individual privacy concerns is of utmost importance.
19)If you have a health concern which you believe may be transmittable through personal waste material please wait for at least two weeks after the matter has cleared up before attending a session.
20)You are welcome to bring a friend PROVIDED I KNOW IN ADVANCE. Please do not show up with an extra participant. Thank you for your interest and contact me if you wish to participate.


So let me get this straight; shit in the tub but make sure you don't bring any ketchup.

Polar Bear Eating A Head Or How To Get Horse Lovers Pissed Off

What is going on with all these horse loving idiots. Here are some comments from the flickr page

kurtise_wells says:
this is disuting i am a horse lover y put sumthing on like this


heatherds94 says:
Who ever put these pic on here is a stuped asshole. I'm a horse lover and i hate people who do these to aniamls. you stuped assholes. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!


buckarmitage says:
Why...................Would.....................................U...................Do.......................That..............................!?I..H8te............. U!*Ur a horse hater*



And the best one is here

The comments on this are pure WIN.

And by win, I mean, where the hell did all of these total morons come from? Is this actually flickr? Can I block and ban these people so I don't have to see their inane comments?

Is YouTube down or something? Or is it time to delete my flickr account and move over to picasa or something?

Hey, morons? Check this out.
If you use more than one exclaimation point you're a moron.
If you use numbers instead of letters, you're a moron.
If you can't use an apostrophe properly? Yup, you're a moron.

If you think that feeding a dead horse carcass to a bear in a zoo is cruel, but you don't think keeping a bear in a zoo is cruel - you're totally a fucking moron.

If you think animals are "peaceful" - especially polar bears - you're such a fucking moron I have no idea how you even remember to breathe. How do you even tie your shoes? Can you even wipe your own ass? Does the spoonful of cereal get lost on the way from the bowl to your mouth? Do you actually get hypnotized and trapped by random shiny objects? I mean, other than your TV. We already know you're trapped by that.

Morons of the world? Keep it up. You're just making it easier for me to get work, and I'm a goddamn high school dropout. I look forward to ignoring your crappy service at WalMart.

However, if you do any of the above moronic things and you happen to be under ten years old - you might not be a moron. Yet. But you'd probably start cracking the books and learning how to write properly.

Unless you like working at WalMart. Do you? I'd hate it, personally, but I don't like working with dangerously stupid morons.


Also, I had no idea they fed carcasses to the large predators at zoos. I suppose I just imagined they'd cut it up for them. Why I would imagine that, I don't know. Bears are perfectly capable of eating a carcass. That's pretty much what they're evolved to be - carcass eating machines.

What do you think?

Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 11 step program first!

Got this from my wife, I guess she is having a hard time :-)

Thinking of Having Kids (or grand kids)? Do this 11 step program first!

If you are interested in doing day care do this,
but multiply it by 5 or 7…

Lesson 1.

Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might
feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room
from 5PM-10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. Eat cold food with one hand for dinner
3. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
4. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
5. Set the alarm for 3AM.
6. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM, make a drink and watch an infomercial.
7. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
8. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
9. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
10. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies.. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a
pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat.

1. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight.
2. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.You are now ready to
feed a nine- month- old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame
Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?)
Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth
it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

Obama or Hillary, who will it be?

Today is the day to find out who will run against McCain. I predict a tie and Obama will win in overtime :-)

Why Men Do Not Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I had not gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home, I could not believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he had been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum, he has become increasingly distant. I do not feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Mrs... Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.


Walter

Family We Donated The Eggs To Is Expecting A Girl

As you of you might know I have written about the family we donated our eggs to in this post: Donating Eggs

Well it turns out they are expecting a girl, the girl will be born sometimes in July.

Here is what the couple emailed us

Today we saw the ultra sound of a very healthy, and active,24-week-old little girl who is growing right on schedule. She will arrive mid July. We feel beyond blessed to be experiencing all the wonderful emotions of parenthood and the fact that the pregnancy has gone so well. I do have two questions if possible for your reply sometime in the future. One, with so much talk of vaccines being linked to autism these days I want to do what’s right. A good indicator of vaccine caution is if siblings were adversely affected after vaccination shots. Would you share if any of the genetic siblings had adverse affects? And,you don’t have to answer, but curious to know what the genders of the genetic siblings are. Thank you and I pray all is healthy and well with your family.

By emailed us I mean that the organization emailed us, we are not in direct contact with the family.

A Cleaning Is Worst Than A Root Canal

Of course this is just my biased opinion but I seriously rather have a root canal done than going for a cleaning at the dentist. Went for a cleaning today and I just hate it. I hate sitting in the chair, I hate hearing the sound of the drill at work in the room next door, I hate plaque being scraped of my teeth. Gosh how I hate going for a cleaning. A couple of weeks ago I had a root canal reconstruction done; a root canal procedure which was done 10 years ago got infected. I don't mind that at all, I know what is going to happen. With a cleaning you never know, I just love when they slip and jam the instrument into your gums. My wife is such a pussy, she is already stressed out about a filling she needs in 3 weeks, give me a break!

Our Presidential Choices

Our Presidential Choices :-)

Fitna the Movie: Geert Wilders' film about the Quran (English On Google Video

You can watch Geert Wilders' movie Fitna on Google video

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3369102968312745410&hl=en

Make sute to check out the comments. Here is one

Mr. Wilders is a man who loves and values life. If you are an uneducated idiot, please, do not embarrass yourself and say you are sorry for this man revealing islam, the religion that tells musloims to murder all your non-muslmi children. You, before you let spit drip down your face when you speak, do as we have done. Study islam. Learn it. It is simple. Islam commands muslims murder all non-muslims. This movie is the greatest work of love any man can do.

Watching this stuff just pisses me off!

Attended the effective discipline stategies for children/teens seminar

Today I attended the effective discipline stategies for children/teens seminar. When my wife suggested this seminar to me I thought it would be a waste of time and money ($200). I am glad I took it, a lot of things are much clearer to me now. For example the difference between a punishment and a consequence

Consequenses:
Fit The Behaviour
Are for bad choices, NOT bad kids
Are about now, not the past
Are firm, friendly and kind
Permit choice

Punishment
Invites rebellion
Teaches resentment
Attack on self-esteem
Relationship is based on fear
Dehumanizing
Teaches children to bully others

Kids bully other kids because the same happens to them at home. If your kid needs therapy then go with him, by making him go by himself you will make him feel that something is wrong with him. The person doing the seminar also said that kids are way over-medicated nowadays.

If you want to know more about this seminar visit ParentAssist

Video: Denied exit, child uses lunch box as toilet

Denied exit, child uses lunch box as toilet

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/03/18/payne.fl.kid.lunchbox.bathroom.wesh

That is just bullshit, the kid should have pooped right on the teacher's desk instead

This is what Facebook will look like in a couple of months

This is what Facebook will look like in a couple of months: http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/9660/facebook2ww5.jpg

You know it is true :-)

Funny Apple SDK comment on SlashDot.

Funny Apple SDK comment on SlashDot.

Could Apple face government regulators?

For what reason? Last I heard Apple did not have a monopoly on cell phones, or even on smart phones. The only thing they seem to have a monopoly on is fanboys.

Don't like the iPhone's rules, don't buy the phone. There are a multitude of alternatives. The FCC does not regulate what US providers can and can not restrict on their cell phone networks currently in any way.

Fanboys will revolt now!

How Lazy Can You Be?

My wife has this friend who has adopted a baby. The baby is 13 months old. This friend went for a checkup with the baby, the doctor told here that there is some tooth decay and that she should stop giving the baby a bottle. The doctor wants her to feed the baby cereal. Now my wife's friend is all upset because it was so easy to give the baby a bottle while she was having her coffee.
Give me a fucking break! I have three kids that I feed, do I complain? Occasionally but this in my opinion is just ludicrous.
This friend is lucky that she didn't have this baby from day one but at thirteen months, she missed out on all the sleepless nights :-(

Enough ranting.

Woman gives birth to identical in-vitro triplets

If you have read the Donating Eggs post I wrote a while back then you know that we had our three kids through in-vitro fertilization.When I first read the Woman gives birth to identical in-vitro triplets article on CNN I was very surprised. Take a look at this

"This is the first one we're aware of in the literature in the country in which they only put back one embryo" and a woman gave birth to triplets, said Klein. "Most people put back two or three embryos, and you just never know."

Identical triplets are born at a rate between one in 60,000 and one in 200 million, depending on the research, Klein said.

We put two embryos back the first time and had one baby (a boy), the second time we put two back and both of them made it (a boy and a girl). The remaining eggs we donated also resulted in a successful pregnancy. I think the couple we donated the eggs to still have one frozen embryo left. I can only imagine what it must be like having three kids at the same time, good luck with feeding them. You have to get help for the first two months at least or you will end up crazy.

Rush Limbaugh Is So Scared Of Obama That He Urges Fellow Republicans To Vote For Hillary

Rush turned into a real pussy, maybe he forgot to take his medicine?

Here is what he says on his site

I know I'm fighting an uphill battle here, folks, on trying to convince you Republicans in Ohio and Texas to cross over, pimp yourselves for a day, vote for Hillary to keep this campaign going, this Uncivil War, Democrat Party. I know what's going to happen. Even if I convince you to do it -- remember what this is, this is about us winning. You have to understand, it's not about Hillary winning; it's about us winning. It's about our party winning. It's about those people losing. They've got some problems in the Democrat Party. It's not all sweetness and light over there, and we need them to continue warring with each other. We love these stories of black people claiming they've been threatened with violence or their lives because they're not supporting Obama. We want all this kind of stuff out there. We want the Clinton campaign to keep pumping out these pictures of Obama dressed up as Bin Laden. We want this kind of stuff. If Hillary loses this thing, all of that's going to come to a screeching halt. We want all the disruption in that party as possible. It's about us winning.

I said this before; if Hillary wins then McCain will be president, if Obama wins then he will be the next president. There are enough Hillary haters out there who would not vote for her and stay home during the election. Rush realizes this and tries desperately to ‘help’ Hillary

It turns out my wife does not have breast cancer

In my Don't Go For A Mammography Exam On The Birthday Of Your Son post I wrote that my wife might have breast cancer. My wife had a biopsy done on Thursday and we just got the results back today. my wife does not have breast cancer :-)

More than anything I am glad for our kids, they are very young (two are nineteen months and one is four). I would hate it for them to grow up without a mother. My mother lost her mother to cancer when she was about fifteen. My father never knew his father; his father died from bronchitis when my father was a month old. Ironically my grandfather who was diabetic since his thirties lived until ninety three

Tech Bubble 2.0?

Click on pic for larger image or click on link below for the current chart


http://finance.google.com/finance?chdnp=1&chdd=1&chds=1&chdv=1&chvs=maximized&chdeh=0&chfdeh=0&chdet=1204146000000&chddm=15249&cmpto=NASDAQ:MSFT;NASDAQ:BIDU;NASDAQ:AMZN;NASDAQ:ORCL;NASDAQ:CNET&q=NASDAQ:GOOG