Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless

LMAO reading this gem

'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

Rest here: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html

How many cops does it really take to capture a naked lunatic?

How many cops does it really take to capture a naked lunatic?



Looks like a lot of cops are needed, just pepper-spray the sucker next time

Can I have a beer man?

Wayne from Times Square

Is it wrong to sleep with your step dad after your mom dies?

Dear Eve,

Last spring my Mom was killed in a car accident. I came home from college at the end of the semester to help my Step-Dad pack up her things and we spent a lot of time talking about my Mom. One night we decided to open a bottle of her favorite wine to toast her memory, and before I knew it my Step-Dad and I were making love on the living room floor. I always had a crush on him and was jealous that he married my Mom. He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I feel like this is the way things were supposed to be but I’m afraid to tell our friends and family.
Eve, what would you do?

Mistress in Mourning

Answer can be found here: http://eve-101.com/mommies-sloppy-seconds/ 

Who Would Participate In Such Crazyness?

hot tub group release (berkeley)

Reply to: pers-116894823@craigslist.org Date: 2005-12-08, 10:51PM PST

Let's keep this simple. I have a hot tub on Euclid. I am having a group release party on December 28th. Everybody is welcome (last time was all men which was fun but I would really like to get some women this time). Here's how it works: Five people get into my 400 gallon redwood hot tub. The temperature is a challenging 125 degrees. After a few minutes, everybody "evacuates." (voids their bowels in the tub). We see what "floats to the surface." This "letting go" stage is followed by a "coming together" stage in which each person helps the person to their left reach satisfaction (handsex). Simple and wonderful.

Some ground rules:
1)No footwear of any kind in the tub! Leave your flip flops on the deck!
2)Do not go into the house.
3)Scents are okay but please, NO GREASY HAIR PRODUCTS.
4)Please refrain from smoking.
5)Once everybody is in the tub, its silent time. No talking until everybody is out.
6)If you do not like what is "going down" (or coming up) step out of the tub. You do not need to make it everybody elses problem.
7)Please commit before showing up. Don't come out to the backyard, check out the "scene" and then decide to leave. This disrupts the experience for everybody.
8)Please no laughing or frivolity. Its not that it has to be "dead serious" but we don't want it to turn into a joke. For many people a group release party is a vulnerable psychosexual experience and your laughter can be shaming.
9)PLEASE NO LOUD TALKING AFTER THE SESSION. MY NEIGHBORS HAVE COMPLAINED SEVERAL TIMES AND HAVE THREATENED TO CALL THE POLICE.
10) If you are over two hundred pounds it is fine, but please let me know in advance.
11)PLEASE NO DIABETICS, PREGNANT WOMEN OR PEOPLE WITH HEALTH CONDITIONS WHICH MAY BE AFFECTED BY A LONG AND UNUSUALLY HIGH TEMPERATURE HOT TUB SITUATION.
12)NO DRUGS OF ANY KIND!!!!
13)Please make sure that you have eaten well and NOT EXCRETED FOR AT LEAST TWELVE HOURS before coming.
14)No food in the hot tub or on the deck. If you must eat, finish your food in your car.
15)You can park directly out front or along the street. PLEASE DO NOT PARK IN THE DRIVEWAY. If parking is limited park on POPLAR st.
16)Do not turn on the airration jets under any circumstances. This makes the party impossible to clean up afterwards and also disrupts the atmosphere in the tub.
17)Please show up on time for the session. The orientation period is extremely important and helps to insure that the party will be a success for all participants.
18)NO CAMERAS OF ANY KIND INCLUDING CAMERA PHONES. For many, the session is a "discreet" experience and respect for individual privacy concerns is of utmost importance.
19)If you have a health concern which you believe may be transmittable through personal waste material please wait for at least two weeks after the matter has cleared up before attending a session.
20)You are welcome to bring a friend PROVIDED I KNOW IN ADVANCE. Please do not show up with an extra participant. Thank you for your interest and contact me if you wish to participate.


So let me get this straight; shit in the tub but make sure you don't bring any ketchup.

Polar Bear Eating A Head Or How To Get Horse Lovers Pissed Off

What is going on with all these horse loving idiots. Here are some comments from the flickr page

kurtise_wells says:
this is disuting i am a horse lover y put sumthing on like this


heatherds94 says:
Who ever put these pic on here is a stuped asshole. I'm a horse lover and i hate people who do these to aniamls. you stuped assholes. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!


buckarmitage says:
Why...................Would.....................................U...................Do.......................That..............................!?I..H8te............. U!*Ur a horse hater*



And the best one is here

The comments on this are pure WIN.

And by win, I mean, where the hell did all of these total morons come from? Is this actually flickr? Can I block and ban these people so I don't have to see their inane comments?

Is YouTube down or something? Or is it time to delete my flickr account and move over to picasa or something?

Hey, morons? Check this out.
If you use more than one exclaimation point you're a moron.
If you use numbers instead of letters, you're a moron.
If you can't use an apostrophe properly? Yup, you're a moron.

If you think that feeding a dead horse carcass to a bear in a zoo is cruel, but you don't think keeping a bear in a zoo is cruel - you're totally a fucking moron.

If you think animals are "peaceful" - especially polar bears - you're such a fucking moron I have no idea how you even remember to breathe. How do you even tie your shoes? Can you even wipe your own ass? Does the spoonful of cereal get lost on the way from the bowl to your mouth? Do you actually get hypnotized and trapped by random shiny objects? I mean, other than your TV. We already know you're trapped by that.

Morons of the world? Keep it up. You're just making it easier for me to get work, and I'm a goddamn high school dropout. I look forward to ignoring your crappy service at WalMart.

However, if you do any of the above moronic things and you happen to be under ten years old - you might not be a moron. Yet. But you'd probably start cracking the books and learning how to write properly.

Unless you like working at WalMart. Do you? I'd hate it, personally, but I don't like working with dangerously stupid morons.


Also, I had no idea they fed carcasses to the large predators at zoos. I suppose I just imagined they'd cut it up for them. Why I would imagine that, I don't know. Bears are perfectly capable of eating a carcass. That's pretty much what they're evolved to be - carcass eating machines.

What do you think?

Family We Donated The Eggs To Is Expecting A Girl

As you of you might know I have written about the family we donated our eggs to in this post: Donating Eggs

Well it turns out they are expecting a girl, the girl will be born sometimes in July.

Here is what the couple emailed us

Today we saw the ultra sound of a very healthy, and active,24-week-old little girl who is growing right on schedule. She will arrive mid July. We feel beyond blessed to be experiencing all the wonderful emotions of parenthood and the fact that the pregnancy has gone so well. I do have two questions if possible for your reply sometime in the future. One, with so much talk of vaccines being linked to autism these days I want to do what’s right. A good indicator of vaccine caution is if siblings were adversely affected after vaccination shots. Would you share if any of the genetic siblings had adverse affects? And,you don’t have to answer, but curious to know what the genders of the genetic siblings are. Thank you and I pray all is healthy and well with your family.

By emailed us I mean that the organization emailed us, we are not in direct contact with the family.

Video: Denied exit, child uses lunch box as toilet

Denied exit, child uses lunch box as toilet

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/03/18/payne.fl.kid.lunchbox.bathroom.wesh

That is just bullshit, the kid should have pooped right on the teacher's desk instead

How Lazy Can You Be?

My wife has this friend who has adopted a baby. The baby is 13 months old. This friend went for a checkup with the baby, the doctor told here that there is some tooth decay and that she should stop giving the baby a bottle. The doctor wants her to feed the baby cereal. Now my wife's friend is all upset because it was so easy to give the baby a bottle while she was having her coffee.
Give me a fucking break! I have three kids that I feed, do I complain? Occasionally but this in my opinion is just ludicrous.
This friend is lucky that she didn't have this baby from day one but at thirteen months, she missed out on all the sleepless nights :-(

Enough ranting.

Woman gives birth to identical in-vitro triplets

If you have read the Donating Eggs post I wrote a while back then you know that we had our three kids through in-vitro fertilization.When I first read the Woman gives birth to identical in-vitro triplets article on CNN I was very surprised. Take a look at this

"This is the first one we're aware of in the literature in the country in which they only put back one embryo" and a woman gave birth to triplets, said Klein. "Most people put back two or three embryos, and you just never know."

Identical triplets are born at a rate between one in 60,000 and one in 200 million, depending on the research, Klein said.

We put two embryos back the first time and had one baby (a boy), the second time we put two back and both of them made it (a boy and a girl). The remaining eggs we donated also resulted in a successful pregnancy. I think the couple we donated the eggs to still have one frozen embryo left. I can only imagine what it must be like having three kids at the same time, good luck with feeding them. You have to get help for the first two months at least or you will end up crazy.

It turns out my wife does not have breast cancer

In my Don't Go For A Mammography Exam On The Birthday Of Your Son post I wrote that my wife might have breast cancer. My wife had a biopsy done on Thursday and we just got the results back today. my wife does not have breast cancer :-)

More than anything I am glad for our kids, they are very young (two are nineteen months and one is four). I would hate it for them to grow up without a mother. My mother lost her mother to cancer when she was about fifteen. My father never knew his father; his father died from bronchitis when my father was a month old. Ironically my grandfather who was diabetic since his thirties lived until ninety three

Don't Go For A Mammography Exam On The Birthday Of Your Son

Yesterday my wife went for a mammography exam, the mammogram showed some issue and deposits which could be cancerous. The doctor told my wife she has 25% of having cancer. My wife was devastated and in no mood for the birthday party we had after that. On Monday she will go for a biopsy and we will know more at that point. My wife is only 39 and we have a 4 year old and twins who are a year and a half. My wife's aunt died from breast cancer when she was about the same age as my wife :-(

Diet Coke Addiction Problem

No matter what I do, I can't stop drinking this stuff. It also doesn't help that I only sleep between 4 and 6 hours at night. Is there such a thing as DCA (Diet Coke Anonymous)?

How can you take all these drugs without thinking?

Here are the drugs found in Heath Ledger's body:

• Oxycodone -- narcotic/painkiller; trade names: OxyContin, Percodan
• Hydrocodone -- narcotic/painkiller; trade name (combined with acetaminophen): Vicodin
• Diazepam -- anti-anxiety drug; trade name: Valium
• Alprazolam -- anti-anxiety drug; trade name: Xanax
• Doxylamine -- sleep medication; trade name: Unisom
• Temazepam -- sleep medication; trade name: Restoril


I took Oxycodone once for about 5 days while my root canal acted up, however I made sure that I called my doctor telling him that I took Motrin 2 hours ago. You can't just pop fricking pills all day long.

Do you think it’s ok for troubled homeowners to just walk away?

If you are part of this housing crisis, and you can't afford your house anymore would you walk away?
That's what you get for giving people a house with bad credit, 2% down and a 4% ARM. I don't think the government should bail those people out either

CNN posted a story yesterday: When is it ok to walk away?


Just read the comments. Here are some of the better ones, you got to love the lawyer's comment (last one)

This one is for all of you sheep out there who intend to remain “responsible” and live your little lives hiding behind a minimal mortgage and “safe” investments, retiring one day with no mortgage and just enough to die on.

Opportunity is knocking, answer the door!

I am a landlord with houses and apartments, 100% occupied and getting calls every day now from VERY QUALIFIED renters who no longer have a place to call home. Yes they have income, but are choosing to either wait out the decline or have sent in the chain mail. Yes I do credit and background checks, they are all honest and I verify they have income but horsedung credit. I’ll take the gamble, as long as they show up in their nice SUV bought on equity loans and show me a current pay stub.

Now here is the best part, and you don’t need to stay up late to see this infomercial here it is in plain English. I buy that foreclosed property for 60-70% market value, and rent it back to handsome, hard-working Americans for 200-500/month more than the interest-only payment. Yes I have a day job too, as evidenced by the time stamp here I have the time to do both. How many of these does it take for me to profit INCREDIBLY WELL from this debacle? I’ll tell you I have 23 now and intend to get twice that going over the course of this year, as long as there is chainmail there will be the wolves out here snarfing up the warm carcasses.

To all you sheep, enjoy your early retirement and die with no debt. I’ll see you on the other side, in my Mercedes.

-----

I laugh at the banks, because of there greed, and now there getting screwed. They have been screwing us for years. Look at a typical mortgage, when do you pay all the interest the first 5 to 7 years of the Mortgage. How long do people typically live in a house before they move, 5 to 7 years….
What comes around goes around, I hope the American oil companies and Car Companies are next! Watch Who killed the Electric car? GM and For were so short sited…Now foreign companies are years ahead of them…while Hydrogen cars are decades away…they’ll be the next bankrupt companies….oh and bail them out with my tax dollars…they can go screw themselves..that’s mine and my communities

-----

I think every.single. person. who did this is an absolute moron no matter what your situation. Here we are, foolish enough to think working hard still matters, trying to save, work hard, use coupons, never going over what we can afford, not using credit, buying a house we can afford with over $20K down, on a fixed 30 year, then selling it, teaching our son the value of working hard when all along these absolute geniuses have really figured it out - DON”T WORK, just let OTHERS PAY FOR YOUR MESS!!!!

That is the way to go. I dont even have to see these people - I already know them. these are the ones with new cars (never buy used, not good enough), newest technology in cell phones and tvs (never mind that I do not have that stuff bc i cant pay CASH for it )and these people do not even know what cash is (cash, what’s that?)

These are folks who just let others bail them out. these are the types of people who will sue McDonald’s ‘ for making them fat’

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS, AMERICA!!!!

-----

I walked. Not being proud. My house was appraised at $320k my loan $285. I paid a bit over $5ok in one year when I got behind by 2 months. Most of it not principal obviously, I was 5 days late on a $3500 a month payment and they couldnt guarentee me they wouldnt forclose. I told them why am I trying then. I gave it back after having it on the market for what I owed for almost 2 years. They sold the house the same month I had to leave with my two kids after living there for 10 years. The house sold for $179k…..Why wouldnt they help me when I was willing to pay. Are mortgage companies insured for the appraised value? Do they make out better if there is a forclosure? There has to be a loop hole or why dont they care at all about the customers. Is a former Ameriquest CEO appointed by Bush as an ambassador to the Netherlands or somewhere? Thats what I heard and I cant believe it.

-----

Okay people. Lets be for real. It’s not the lenders fault at all! At the time they (borrowers) qualified for the loan and EVERYONE was told that if they were in an arm that they needed to refi. before the arm was up. Some people listened and some didn’t, and some lived the American dream of just spending and spending.

As for your home declining in value. well lets take a look at something the houseing industry has called an appreciating asset. Your house ages RIGHT? Many items become out dated like the furnace, plaster walls, old insulation so your home becomes let effcient RIGHT! Now your going to list a home that you bought 10 years ago for $150,000 and you now going to ask $195,000 based on a conservative 3% per year. For what??? It’s all very easy to understand when you look at the facts. The stock market has to make a correction some time… Why wouldn’t the housing market?

Who I really feel sorry for are those first time home buyers that can’t come up with even the down payment because the home prices have become so inflated to match our American egos.

I can’t wait for the day my car appreciates 3% a year.

-----

I am a bankruptcy lawyer with the top consumer bankruptcy firm in Las Vegas, DeLuca & Associates. If a homeowner cannot afford the mortgage payments and there is negative equity in the property, walking away may be the only logical conclusion. If a homeowner buys a home for $300,000.00 and the property drops to $250,000.00, it may take many years to just get back to even. Traditional appreciation is 3-5 percent. The double digit appreciation in home values seen in 2005 was an anomaly, not likely to be seen again in our lifetimes. Also, when you sell that home you will pay 6% to a real estate agent and $10,000 in closing costs. This means your $250,000 home is really worth $225,000. Finally, you will likely not find a buyer willing to buy you the market value!

Walking away sometimes makes perfect sense.

Anthony J. DeLuca, Esq.
DeLuca & Associates