Can you pass the hood math test?

Below is the hood math test, can you pass this?


CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM

NAME_ _

GANG/CREW NAME


1. Ramon has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out
of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many
drive-by shootings can Ramone attempt before he has to reload?

2. Otis has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for
$320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of
The rest of his hold?

3. Rufus pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks
per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack
habit?

4. Dave wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to
Make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to obtain
The 20% profit?

5. Desmond gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette,
And $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how
many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?

6. Tom got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If
His common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much
Money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the
Average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with
3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his
Gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Tyrone knocked up?

9. LaSheena is a lookout for the gang. LaSheena also has a Boa
Constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat.
If LaSheena makes $700 week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed
the Boa on one week's income?

10. Marvin steals Joe's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph,
Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his
piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

A hooded armed robber bursts into a bank.......

Got this in an email today


A hooded armed robber bursts into a bank and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door with the loot one brave customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber shoots him also.
Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
"Did anyone else see my face?" calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence, then one man, raises his hand and says "I think my wife may have caught a glimpse..."

What worries me most about the credit crunch

What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my checks is returned stamped "insufficient funds", I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's!

A woman (married three times) walked into a brida

A woman (married three times) walked into a bridal shop
one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking
for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly
what type and color dress are you looking for?'

The bride-to-be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a
veil. The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said,
'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that
nature are considered more appropriate for brides who
are being married the first time -- for those who are a
bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory
or sky blue would be nice?'

Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the
clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown
would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite
all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time
bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our
wedding that he died as we were checking into our hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in
the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that
wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other
again.'

'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk?

'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every
night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed
and told me how good it was going to be.................
but nothing ever happened.'

Hillary Clinton & Barack Obama were on a boat. The boat sank in a big storm..........

Hillary Clinton & Barack Obama were on a boat. The boat sank in a big storm. There was no life boat.

Who was saved?



Highlight between these lines for the answer
America
Highlight between these lines for the answer

Why Men Do Not Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I had not gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home, I could not believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he had been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum, he has become increasingly distant. I do not feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Mrs... Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.


Walter

Penis Wants A Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Response:

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other
locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order
to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the
assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting
the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,


V. Gina

Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers - Take one

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were
waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those
blokes? We must have been waiting
for fifteen minutes !"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've
never seen such inept
golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens
keeper. Let's have a word with
him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with
that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a
group of blind fire
fighters. They lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free
anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to
contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can
do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at
night?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Two


To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as
it needs to be.




Understanding Engineers - Take Three

Two engineering students were walking across
a university campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great
bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful
woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what
you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and
said, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you
anyway."





Understanding Engineers - Take Four


What is the difference between mechanical
engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil
engineers build targets.




Understanding Engineers - Take Five


The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why
does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
"How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
"How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do
you want fries with that?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Six


Three engineering students were gathered
together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to
have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline
through a recreational area?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Seven


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke,
don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it
doesn't have enough
features yet.




Understanding Engineers - Take Eight


An engineer was crossing a road one day, when
a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it
in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you
kiss me and turn me back into
a beautiful princess, I will stay with you
for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and
turn me back into a
Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and
do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled
at it and put it back into
his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with
you for one week and do
anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I
don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's
cool."

IRS Pencil Sharpener

Screwed by the IRS?

Two women were playing golf.....

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the parallel hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man
replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful
massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken."

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, 'Surely I can't look that old?

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, 'Surely I can't look that old? Well. . .you'll love this one.

My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

“Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang,” he gleamed with pride.

“When did you graduate?” I asked.

He answered, “In 1964. Why do you ask?”

“You were in my class!” I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat ass, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked,

“What did you teach?”